Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura (comedy)
Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them. Dental updates! Dudes! Stories! Wiping!

J-J-J-Jeans Unite!

As we wrap up another year of tightly woven denim we want to give thanks to you, the little mommy. Hope you have a great holiday filled with love and rectal touches. 

Here we have the last live show we did at the Irvine Improv a little while back. 

Thank you all for being the best fans anyone could ever want. 

We would fart in every one of your stockings if we could. 

 

Direct download: LIVE_427_YMH_Irvine.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

After years of podcasting and hundreds of shows we thought, "How about a little intelligence on this show for a change? How about...a Doctor?"

Luckily for all of us Dr Drew agreed (before knowing what our show is about) to come on and no description can do it justice. 

He shared stories about his life and let us know what he thought about the many clips we play on this show. 

All we can say is, we wish it never ended. 

Direct download: 427_DR_DREW.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Oh s**t, bro! The Weasel is in the house. The wiser weasel has some great advice and hilarious stories from his days as an MTV VJ and international movie star. 

Plus we get in to whether or not FARTS are assault (they are) and if Tom can sue Tina (He can). 

You looking for free rent? Come over to my house and beat me, pee on me. Try it out. 

Direct download: 426_Pauly_YMH.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

A few years back Tommy went to Asia (voluntarily, tho under some duress) and did stand up with some great guys: Chad Daniels, Pete Lee and the guest of this episode, J. Elvis Weinstein. The trip was filmed for a documentary that is available NOW. Please check out I NEED YOU TO KILL on itunes, Amazon or wherever you pay to buy and rent movies. 

J. Elvis Weinstein is a comedian, writer, director and co-host of his own podcast, Thought Spiral with Andy Kindler. 

This episode is full of laughs and love. Get all up in there like it's the night before your 70th birthday. 

Direct download: YMH_425_WEINSTEIN.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:18pm EDT

This is as good as it gets. Joey Coco Diaz is in the building. 

This lovable, fiery felon is sure to make you laugh as you sit by the fire and ask your mom if she will 69 your dad on his 70th birthday. 

By the way, a bunch of those came in and they are HILARIOUS. 

PLUS we talk CATS, Dad Boners and we read your emails. 

 

Say No More, just listen, JEAN. 

Direct download: DIAZ_424.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Jeans Within! Jeans Within! 

Looks like College Football isn't immune to the Jeans within your heart. Nick Saban has the full commentary. 

PLUS, we got more tracks for you: Machines and She's Retarded - all different styles that you, the listener submitted. 

AND we have a transracial woman, well, she sure sounds like one. What do you think? 

Charles Manson is dead! John Daly hates water! and "Do you 69 at 69"??

Get into it, Jeans. 

 

Direct download: YMH_423.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

When the mommies prank any media outlet with Mommy lingo we LOVE IT! Get em, jean!

Amazingly, someone else hates Puking as much as Tina and Tina has some advice. Equally as astonishing, Adam Carolla is on the same page as Tina with...showering?!

PLUS, we have She's Retarded remixes, Louie CK talk, profane coaches with kids and MORE!!

Direct download: YMH_422.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

The Water GOD is back in the building. Before we get to more hydrating satisfaction we have some GOOD stuff for you. 

And nothing kicks things off like diarrhea. Public diarrhea. Have you ever just, you know, gone. In plain view. I'd like to hear about it. 

We have MORE Machines Within and some NEW She's Retarded tracks. 

Grab a bottle of mineral water and ENJOY!

Direct download: 421_MARTIN_YMH.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Yo! Tommy got a Lambo wit the brains blown out! Naw, he didn't. But he made Bert and Ari think he did and that was worth every penny.

We give you the full scoop on that PLUS we find a good potential roommate for you. All you need is a strong sex drive and, well, we should just let him explain. Seems like a nice guy. 

We also have the KING farting on his dog. Is this okay? And Steven Seagal isn't just the worst actor he MIGHT be an equally bad person. Lets explore!

MACHINES WITHIN!!

Direct download: 420_Lambo.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

The great Greg Fitzsimmons is here! You know his book, his podcast, his radio show and his stand up. He's absolutely one of our favorites and he will be one of yours if you listen to this episode. Lots of crazy, lots of funny, Machines Within and of course a Dental Update.

Direct download: 418_FITZ.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:51am EDT

If you want to get really horny and you're having trouble getting there we've got the secret formula for you (okay it involves Benadryl). But we're not telling you how many (unless you listen to the episode). 

Plus, Machines Within probably won over your heart last week. This week, it's a chart-toppin banger thanks to the many musically inclined mommy's out there. 

And just when you thought Mr. Rub Rub Rub only cared about the fellas, we dig deeper into the SAME interview only to discover he has some sage advice for the ladies as well. 

Put in your earbuds and let this one rip. It's simply Jeanstastic!

Direct download: YMH_418.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This is one of the most fun Pomcasts we've done in a while and it's just Jean and I. 

We do what we do best - make fun of people. From the c*m huggers to the people who struggle to string together a sentence we simply don't hold back. 

When a juggalo dreams of writing a new song, well, DJ Dadmouth helps make that dream come true - IN THE MOMENT. Is there a hit on our hands? 

Don't forget to watch CP's new special, Mother Inferior only on NETFLIX!

 

Direct download: YMH_417.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

What does 338 pounds of alcohol free fun sound like? Download this podcast to find out. We had to remove a wall on our home so the crane could lift him up and place him in his seat, but we couldn't be happier we did it. Enormous, but fun comedian Burnt Khrysler is in studio for a very real very honest and very funny conversation. 

Seriously though, Bert is the best and we love him. This is one of our favorite episodes ever. 

Direct download: YMH_416_BERT.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

If you had 3 foot long nails how could you wipe your bum? Luckily we have a detailed example from a gross person. 

The great Tom Papa joins us for some good ol' making fun of people get down. 

We have your emails and they are very offensive - thank you for sending them. 

PLUS, if you're white and you get a great tan, are you now black? One completely insane person thinks so. 

Pull those jeans up!

Direct download: YMH_415_PAPA.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

If you go on a run and you gotta make a brown is that really such a bad thing? One lady in Colorado Springs might do in on your lawn in front of your family! NEATO!

Tommy shot a special in Denver over the weekend. We recap the festivities for you PLUS now Tina is the one with sick jeans. 

Dad boner with a snow blower? Yes.

We have great emails from you and more.

 

Direct download: ymh_414.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

When you make a Big Brown do you flush it down? Here at YMH we show it proudly. Our Big Brown can even talk - it's wild. 

We have stinky Vajees and how to detect them, we have surprise Big D's and obvious ones too - Hello, Takeo Spikes!

All around good fun with our bud, Brendan Schaub. 

Plus a DENTAL UPDATE and a whole lot more. 

Direct download: 413_schaub.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This is how it's done. The South Florida mom's came out in full force and we had the best time. 

We hope you enjoy this live episode that featured Fill Her Ups, Would You Rather's and so much more. 

Make sure you put on sunblock under your jeans before you listen to this one, Jean. It was after all recorded in Breast Balls Beach, Florida. 

Direct download: ymh_412_LIVE_WPB.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Uh oh, it's time to get your act together. Your baby's father, The Concierge, is in the building. If you don't know, now you do. Matt Fulchiron AKA The Full Charge is back and in top form. 

We break it down. Everything. 

How embarrassed would you be if you made poo in someone's bed? We found someone that doesn't seem that mad.

Are all women Ho's in the context that this man explains?

is digital Black Face a thing? I don't know, but we sure are probably guilty. Also, it's not a thing. 

Sit back, relax and let this one flow. 

Direct download: YMH_411_Full_Charge.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:43pm EDT

If you're ever attacked you should consider biting your attacker below the waist! But only after you seduce him into thinking you're into him sexually. We recommend an hour or more to really trick them!

Plus, Why are some farts hot? Why do those smell more? 

AND are you willing to wait in line to eat somewhere good? No thanks, Jean. 

When you visit Singapore keep an eye out for an older, gay, how you say, Gentleman. He knows what he wants and it's a lot. 

Put pee in your butt because we just found out it could solve this country's problems. 

Direct download: YMH_410.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

What if you wipe yourself with toilet water to save paper but you flush a bunch so you're actually wasting water? Can you really say you care about the environment? Not sure, but you're definitely probably vegan.

Plus, when blind people dream do they "see" what we do? Only twins with different sized penis can help us answer these important questions. 

We get the stories the OTHER podcasts choose to ignore. F*** you in your a**? We'll be right there. 

Direct download: YMH_409.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

What if it's only smells, but also it turns you on? Is that okay?

What kind of smells get your engine going? Ladies, we're talking to you. 

PLUS, when Dad Boners are into animals and by animals we mean bees, it's borderline disturbing. 

AND the great Ms. Pat is back for amazing, honest and absolutely hilarious conversation. Her new book, RABBIT: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MS PAT goes on sale August 22nd. Be sure to pick up a copy of this incredible book. 

Direct download: YMH_408_Ms_Pat.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:53pm EDT

We want you guys to orgasm all the time, even when you hug someone or shake their hand or just stand up. That's our mission and we hope this episode guides you to the forbidden place where we live. 

We have some great listener emails this episode PLUS a dad boner that gives Canadian highway dad a run for his money. 

And a white girl that uses BIG WORDS prompts a debate - Do you ever accept white people doing that? 

Wait til you hear Kim Ahn and Mr. Rub Rub Rub together. 

Direct download: YMH_407.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Thank God for feminists like Roman who are out there every day fighting the good fight. He's out in the streets encouraging women to fart in his face. If it weren't for guys like him, would ladies even know they could fart???

Plus, TOP DOG gets on a call to go over a recent "ACCIDENT." 

Did you knoe R Kelly actually wanted to marry his mom? 

AND the great YOSHI joins once again for more of his hilarious travel tales. 

Direct download: YMH_YOSHI_406.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Some women associate giving birth with PAIN. Are they dumb? Maybe they just haven't been taught yet. They SHOULD be having orgasms. That's what childbirth is all about. 

PLUS, could Tommy's REAL mom be the fart mistress we've all wanted? 

AND special guest Brent Weinbach joins us. 

You wanna talk some s**t?

Direct download: 405_BW2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:25pm EDT

When Tommy boy arrived in Los Angeles with hope in his eyes, it was Sam Tripoli who made Tom sit on the casting couch and earn his stage time thru butt spreads and oral favors. Kidding! That's a dream (for both guys). 

Sam Tripoli is a tornado on stage and off. Check out his new double album, The Diabolical and his numerous podcasts, including Punch Drunk and his new conspiracy theory podcast, Tin Foil Hat. 

We go hard on this one and big laughs are had the whole way around. 

Direct download: 404_TRIPOLI.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

We have found a secret that even Wikileaks couldn't get. There is a man who may or may not be Ryan Sickler that gave a chocolate kiss to Hillary Clinton and we have the DETAILS!

You are NOT ready. 

PLUS, would any of you like to come over for moose soup later? What if we smoked two packs a day and slept with the whole village? Okay, see you at 7!

Two hot new joints make this episode the kind you just want to put on some new jeans and rock out to. 

 

Direct download: 403_ymh.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

You have to be careful with a penis when it's really big cause you might end up dead! This South Florida man is really in a tough place (murder charge) because of it. 

Plus how many people/hours does it take for Johnny Depp to get ready? Let's take a guess!

AND special guest Wheeler Walker Jr. joins us and blows us away with his amazing voice and beautiful voice. Ol' Wheeler has got some pipes on him. 

Direct download: YMH_402_-Wheeler.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

When a longshoreman doesn't feel like talking, you better get to walking or you're gonna get trespassing. That's just the way it goes. 

Plus, your feedback is boring in for Christina's Fart Mistress Shed. Will she go thru with it? 

AND we have a new awful work song. It's really quite depressing. Hope you enjoy it!

The real news is Ari Shaffir is not only back from his vision quest, he's actually HERE, in the mommy dome. He has a new special coming to Netflix July 18 called Double Negative. Oh and he still owes Tommy and Bert a trip. 

Direct download: 401_ARI.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

It's here in all its glory - episode 400 of Your Mom's House! And finally we face the question that has been bugging us all - will Christina BaBoey Chusay Oh Tom's B-Hole? A real conversation takes place. 

PLUS, will Tina start a side business in a shed? 

Is there someone out there who laughs as hard as Top Dog at awful jokes? 

We have those answers and more! Pull em up!

Direct download: YMH_400.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

There's a wise, older Asian man that can have an orgasm without ejactulating and every time he shakes from within his prostate it's like watching a parade: pure, unadulterated joy. 

Aside from that this episode is full of fun. We have a man that uses ALL the Big Words he can think of, PLUS a job orientation that rivals the infamous Let's Get Social song. 

We have a follow up on Shaq's biggest "toe" and a big announcement for Tommy's fall shows. Plus, don't forget to MAKE FITNESS in our new official Fitness tank. 

(Imagine the sound of the Asian man shaking from the inside here). 

Direct download: YMH_399.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Do you like heavy breathing into the mic? CHECK! What about laughing uncontrollably at street jokes? BOOM! Anybody poop their pants lately? You guessed it, Top Dog is in the building and he brought his Peruvian princess with him. 

Before we get to that we've got people marrying themselves and buildings, plus what's the opposite of a happy Dad Boner? Is it Dad Rage? Whatever it is, we found him too. 

 

Direct download: YMH_398.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Oh Snap! We got the PodFather. The Mighty and Powerful Joe Rogan joins us to discuss all things JEAN. 

From the crazy current state of politics to some all time dad boner moments, Joe weighs in on it all. 

He even answers the question: Would you date your mom? 

Spark one up and pour some out, this is an all-time classic. 

Pull em up!

Direct download: YMH_397_ROGAN.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This one is particularly Amaze, Jean. 

Nothing like the police scaring you as you literally swim with sharks. Hear the REAL audio and decide if you'll ever swim again. 

Plus, does anyone deserve a beating the way people who WISH they were disabled do? Can we start a fundraiser to get them their wish?

We have a Horrible or Hilarious that is not, well, hilarious. So, just listen. 

AND, has Tommy finally crossed the line with Tina and his grossness? 

To make things even better we have our first guest in ages in studio. This guy is the REAL WATER CHAMP. It's water sommelier, Martin Riese. Get ready to get educated in everything H20. 

Direct download: YMH_396_WATER_CHAMP.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Does thinking about your family turn you on? Think harder. Now are you feeling it? Let's talk about something that your brain does a good job of blocking out. 

Plus Tommy got food poisoning. Can you guess what type of food caused it? Can you guess where you shouldn't buy that type of food from? Bingo.

Just as Tina and Tommy realized they could plug in more than one thing in their bedroom, they also have come to the conclusion that they can buy more than one clock. Hear the riveting story.

AND even more unsolicited callers weigh in on the personality battle. Who do you find more charming? 

Direct download: YMH_395.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

A lot people have opinions on their dog food like they know what their dog can taste, thankfully one guy dove in for the rest of us and taste tested different dog foods. We have the amazing results. 

Plus, single dad, Tom takes his son to the mall and gets some alarming looks. Would you look at Tommy that way? 

A "You Know" champ comes to us from the least expected place AND it seems like the Personality Championship can be put to rest. We have audio for you to consider. 

JEANS UP!

Direct download: YMH_394.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This is the second live podcast we did on this evening at The Irvine Improv. The inimitable Yoshi joins us for some hilarious and often jaw-dropping conversations.

 

*Please use HEADPHONES to listen to this episode. And of course, STANIMA. 

Direct download: 2nd_YOSHI_LIVE.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:30pm EDT

If you're a lady and you're having trouble getting pregnant or perhaps you want some more excitement in bed, there has been a new development that is changing lives - LEECHES. You just need to shove them up inside of you. 

Plus, aren't nail clippers incredible? This one dude thinks so and we happen to agree.

We'd love to put the personality argument to rest, but both moms are still bickering. Isn't it obvious???

Plus, there's some big Chef John fans writing in and defending his UP-speak AND we have Would You Rather, Fill Her Up and MORE.

There isn't enough denim in this world to match up with this episode. 

Direct download: YMH_393.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Not everyone can read the future by touching their worn panties, but this is Your Mom's House and we found someone that can. 

Plus, never before heard audio of your two favorite mom's making love. Is this real? 

We have Master Of Accents, a man throwing up that REALLY upsets Tina and Top Dog and Charo on the phone. Is there anything boring in this episode? Yup, we got some of that for you too. 

JEAN forever. 

Direct download: YMH_392.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Mummy, here's the truth - we have sick jeans this week. Both of us. Please bear with us as we compete for the immunity championship. 

We welcome all our witches and wiccans to approach this episode with caution as we delve into a dangerous spell. 

Plus, who's the real elitist? Tommy has a pretty strong argument for Tina being a closet snob. What do you think?

AND our cars both have smelly AC's - what's the deal? Is it a dead animal? Maybe F-A-R-T?

And we honor the great athlete, Nelson Mandela. 

 

Direct download: ymh_391.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:36pm EDT

Are there any Jean's in the house? How about uncircumcised ones? Well, this is the episode for you. We have a very helpful man that teaches you how to clean it (it involves a wash cloth). Speaking of wash clothes, those are for poor people, right? 

T Bunz ran into Kane a few weeks ago at the airport - do you think he yelled his infamous call in public? You'll just have to listen, Jean. 

Plus, Tommy once saw an older lady touching her stuff in public at a bar and Jean thinks it's a questionable story. How about 'chu?

Can a man have dinner with a lady that's not his wife without wanting to fill her up? 

We really hope you have the STANIMA for this episode. 

Direct download: YMH_390.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:15pm EDT

There's a crazy fat kid running North Korea and nobody is going to debate that fact. 

Do you know all the U.S. Presidents? We certainly do not. There's a JV squad and we go thru it. 

When first class disappoints you, what do you do? We complain, bitterly. 

Plus, Jean has a very important dental update (cause she's a show off).  And a LIVE F-A-R-T was captured on the show and it should settle the Fart Champ debate once and for all. 

Direct download: YMH_389.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:00pm EDT

Some people are just gross and then there's THIS lady. Whoa. And coming from us that's pretty special. She puts her finger, well, just listen. 

Plus, if you had to say one of us is a better burper who would you choose, Gene or Jean? 

There are some epic Dad Boners in this one and an absolute gift of a Hey Mommy order. And thankfully there's a nasal alien that breaks that down for us too. 

Direct download: YMH_388.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:00pm EDT

Dearest Jean, 

This is a great podcast. Today we recap our lunch with Dan Pena and Tom's ill-fitting suit. Plus, Jean got an iWatch and boy does she love it (more than she loves Tom). 

Some French guy wants to teach you about loving your lingam and the mommies saw Get Out - go see it!

How often do you run into massage therapists that are also smokers? I guess Tom's just lucky. 

All of that, plus vocal fry, dental updates and more!

Direct download: YMH_387.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:00pm EDT

When you're on a plane and you're bleeding from your tumors you just need people to MOVE.

Jean and Tom break down their one night getaway and how Tom's browns have changed for the better since he cut sugar (mostly). 

Plus Tina gets grossed out by a gagging video and we have some new really boring stuff to play for you. 

Some fashion is absurd and we gladly make fun of it. How do some guys tolerate ball kicks? Are you one of those guys? could you drop us a line? 

We are more than honored that the President spoke our name. Please enjoy these fresh pressed jeans. 

Direct download: YMH_386.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Live from the Irvine Improv with 500 mommies in the stands. Let er rip!

Direct download: Bonus_LIVE_IRVINE_.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

How much sausage do you need to feed your whole family? What if there are some big women in it? Probably more, right? Would you leave an angry voicemail about it? 

 

This episode has Gucci Mane, bloody yoga pants, boring videos and the SECRET to a Double Pipe Classic? WHAT?!?! yeah. Listen. 

Direct download: YMH_385.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

If you haven't ever seen a whale penis, you don't size and you don't know Penis. 

Tommy hung out with Top Dog and Charo this weekend and he has tales to tell. 

Plus Gene had a dream that Tommy was bad and now she's mad at him in real life. Does this nonsense happen in your life as well? 

Tina's phone got a new text. Anyone interested in DRUGS?!?! 

AND, more boring videos, Hey Mommy and much more!

Direct download: YMH_384.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

When someone goes on strike you know they mean business. This lady is going on strike for something so important we can't actually spell out what it is (It's Gross and comes out of a man's penis). 

We step in to Studio G with Super Dad Nerd, G. 

We wear our awesome new Pup Masks as we are always heightening our sense of smell. 

Plus absolutely AMAZE music from so many of you. We're putting Bitsy on a diet and SO much more. 

Thanks, Jeans. 

Direct download: YMH_383.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

As perhaps the leading non-binary couple in the podcast comedy world today we are thrilled to bring you this aspect of the wonder from the perspective of our obtuse reality. Hope that was clear. 

Sometimes when you are making a brown someone will crawl under the stall to see if you are indeed browning. What would you do in that situation? 

The Mommies saw another horrible movie. Hope you get to have a night ruined by it as well. 

Plus another guy had vocal fry and it wasn't even the worst part of his personality. He also liked to....kill and eat people. Can you guess who?

This episode is full of such a good time we HAD to find some boring audio to dull it down. Hope it's boring enough for you. 

Direct download: YMH_382.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Have you ever tried to get a hearing impaired person to lick your stuff but you weren't sure how to do it? We have answers. 

Plus we're pretty sure we found our sons little league coach. Hope he's still around when Little Jeans is ready to play. This guy emphasizes that losing sucks and no one wants to be one. 

Tina and Tommy both break down what they individually hate and what they hate as a couple (acoustic?). 

Hi Mommy...Thanks Jeans rages on and much more!

Direct download: YMH_381_V2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Don't hit me, Mummy! Don't hurt me, mummy! This week Tommy recaps his big celebration trip with Burnt and both pairs of Jeans have a Dental Update. Who do you think has the more perfect smile?
Jack Reach Around Two is reviewed. Spoiler Alert: It's a pile of garbage.
More emails and more orders of Hey, Mommy....Thanks, Jeans!

Direct download: YMH_380.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Finally! Someone is talking about the real issues - how do you mop up all that stuff after you make kisses? A nice British lady is going to show us the way (it's the Shower).

Plus - you weigh in on the Personality Battle. Hey, some of you are a little TOO honest. Thanks.

We meet a lady who wants to live with no environmental impact. That includes REUSING toilet paper. NEAT.

And Hey, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans rolls on.

 

Direct download: YMH_379.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

The McAfee Virus guy isn't just a genius when it comes to protecting your PC. He also has discovered that hammocks are great for lounging on and pooping off of. Just listen to this parade of women tell you about it. 

Plus, you've picked sides when it comes to #Water, #Posture and #fitness. Now the two jeans break down who has a better #personality. Which side are YOU on?!

We have a new most boring video ever. Is it real? Doubtful. More dad accents, Horrible or Hilarious and some Hall Of Fame level ordering of "Hi, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans!"

Direct download: YMH_378.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Reach into your pants, hold on to your twig and berries and take a DEEP SNIFF.

That's how you train to be a good pup. Good boy. 

 

Tommy is deep in his weight loss competition with Burnt. These last 24 hours are rough!

We revisit with Orlando Brown who has new ways to describe his sexual exploits. 

Plus, what YMH word does Tina add to her coffee order? Are you ready to step up your "Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans" Game? 

It's all here. 

Direct download: YMH_377.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Does your shoulder hurt? Have you tired saluting the Fuhrer? We can tell you one thing for sure - It Helps!!

Christina considers the Skullet - the haircut that Tommy has been pushing for years. Will you urge her to get it done? Thanks.

The Mommies consider potty training for their little boy. What word should they use to describe going number 2? Making brown, caca, taking a dump. Lets figure it out together. 

We revisit the EV mic guy and more mommies are doing "Hey, mommy" orders.

Direct download: YMH_376.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

These Jeans are ready to party. We always knew that Subway served up sandwiches, but we didn't realize there was so much MUSTARD on them. In this episode we explore two entirely different locations with two very upset customers - each expressing their disappointment in a unique way.
PLUS - Top Dog and Charo stopped by to do some line reads. We play you the whole thing. That and SO much more. Merry Xmas, Santa Jeans.

Direct download: YMH_375.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week, the mommies dive deep into the world of Orlando Brown, get festive for the Holidays with an amazing Instagram singer, discuss the weight loss competition and much much more!

Direct download: YMH_374.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:19am EDT

Diamonds on the crevice of your ??? I'll give you three guesses.
We have so much to share with you! Get ready to pull 'em high and tight! This week we tickle some bodies with our new favorite Disney star, talk about Tom's time in West Palm Beach, and find out just how unparliamentary Elizabeth May can get when she's had a few drinks! Jeans up!!

Direct download: YMH373_MP3_2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:34pm EDT

We love our brothers and sisters to the North, but there's one lady in Parliament who clearly isn't on board with the show - she's anti F-A-R-T! Please keep heckling her.

You think you know Tom and Tina, but have you met Karen and Bobby? They're here unless they're drinking or smoking or having sex.
Plus an outrageous call with Top Dog and Charo and some amazing clips including one really cool lady who loves when guys spray their love on her (face).
This episode is LOADED.

Direct download: YMH_372.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Would you marry your mom? Really. That's so cool, cause like, me too. Kiss her for real. 

The Mommies moved this week and with a lot of help came a lot of stranger dumps. So many. 

Plus a really massive, fat lady will let you pay to watch her be gross. Master of Accents, Pup Play and a lot more. As always, Bert is so fat and it's being celebrated all over the world. 

Direct download: YMH_371.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show! 

So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine. 

Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T. 

AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead!

Many Masterful Accents in this one!

Direct download: YMH_370.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Even babies know the truth - Bert IS fat, but also our dear friend Burnt Chrystals has a new special coming to Showtime called The Machine and he goes by the name Bert Kreischer in it. Plus Tommy and Tina watched the movie, Shark Bites - you might like but it has one BIG flaw (same as the Martian with Matt Damon). 

There's a really white DJ who really feels comfortable with BIG WORDS and all kinds of accents to master in this one. Who is the Water Champ? Now we can all be with the NEW Water Champ shirt! Get one for Christmas or just to show everyone who H2Flow is in your house. 

Keep those jeans up!

Direct download: YMH_369.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE!

Direct download: YMH_368.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical

Direct download: YMH_367.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:25pm EDT

This week, the mommies watch a bunch of public service announcements, some hilarious, some horrible. They also get a translation for the Persian voicemail, which kicks us off to a journey into Christina's childhood. Wipe down!

Direct download: YMH_366.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week, the mommies grab em by the p***y! Will Tina follow thru on the dog food challenge? Do radio rap songs make you cry? We have ANOTHER angry Persian voicemail. Jeans Up!

Direct download: YMH_365.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week, the mommies discover and fall in love with a new Dan Pena clip, get a translation for Christina's Persian voicemail lady, listen to old and new songs, play a round of 'Rate My Jeans,' and much much more!

Direct download: YMH_364.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at some great points about sleeping with your friends, try to pick a name for Tom's new stand-up tour, play another round of 'Horrible or Hilarious,' call Ryan "Sickle Cell" Sickler to figure out who coined the nickname, and much much more!

Direct download: YMH_363.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:38pm EDT

This week, the mommies dive deep into the fetish of ball kicking, see what DJ Dad Mouth was up to in Des Moines, do another installment of Horrible or Hilarious, and much much more!

Direct download: YMH_362.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:19pm EDT

This week the mommies learn how to "rip some skin," judge a mommy's denim, play Horrific or Hilarious, watch a recovered Top Dog call from a lost episode, and much much more!

Direct download: 361_redo.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week, the mommies find a VERY talented grandmother who works for a a certain kind of phone line, they welcome back one of the strongest performers in the adult industry, watch the trailer for Steven Seagal's new action movie where he doesn't move a lot, and much much more!

Direct download: YMH_360.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

On this week's episode, the mommies educate themselves on vaginal knitting, get some questions answered on special people's daily schedules, pick a name for their son just incase they get pregnant again, and much, much more!

Direct download: 359_FIXED.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

You should drink your pee. Especially if you have a cold or a fever or a stomach ache or you're tired. Pee is better than medicine. It's your own medicine and it's free (and tastes good). Also, stop being stupid. 

We tell stories about our old landlord, Jose. Plus a new game - Horrible or Hilarious? Will Tom like a psycho and someone's unfortunate circumstance or will he see it like a human?

Plus an incredible impromptu call with Top Dog where we read him street jokes and he laughs, well, harder than we've ever laughed at anything. It's amazing. 

Direct download: YMH_358_FULL.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:50pm EDT

This week the mommies do a very important dental update as a recent article about the merits of flossing has surfaced. Christina learns what a "trap-p***y" is during an outing at the park with her family. Also, Percocet-master Gina from Boston is warmly welcomed to the mommy-dome.

Direct download: YMH_357_FULL_EDIT.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

This week the mommies find Christina's dad on Instagram having a dance-off in Ibiza, review some fan-made websites, discuss the order of sushi they couldn't beat, and learn how to become bad boys
Direct download: YMH_356.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:41pm EDT

This is the type of thing denim was built for - the ultimate Momisode. If you're a HARD F'n CORE mommy you are in for a treat. Three of the most outrageous, hilarious and central people on this show are all in the episode and we had them IN studio.
Sit back, relax and let the people who shaped Tommy Jeans entertain you by just being themselves. Plus we have Fat updates and much more!

Direct download: YMH_355_FULL.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:16pm EDT

Sometimes really scary moments, like blood dripping from your butt, can produce magical results, like Ari's farts. We have some for you.

Does Dani sing a song for us? Well you Daniacs are gonna find out! (and it might involve a little baby named Hitler)

Plus we have strictly friendly sports, a new dildo from Nick (AJ?) Hawk, and Doug Stanhope weighs in on the #FATBATTLE.

Direct download: YMH354_Audio.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:42am EDT

We hope you're HAPPY, Rachel! Mummy knows and now so does everyone else!

Plus a Jamaican accent so thick the Master gets stumped?!?

Tommy's family is in town and the house has flipped over. Will the Mommy's survive?

An Asian guy from the South Pacific is still wanting a girlfriend, but with a new approach - intense dude energy. We have some advice.

Plus The Water Championship has been settled, but who is the ALONE CHAMPION? The debate begins.

Direct download: YMH353.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:48pm EDT

The thing about having your balls shrink is ultimately, it's the best thing that can happen. It makes your salami look so much bigger and who doesn't want that.

Ze Zim Xir yim. Those are all preferred pronouns of severely mentally ill people, some of whom you may know. Make sure whenever you meet someone you open with, "Hey, what's your pronoun?"

Plus, did Tom lose a bet and get his thumbs burned by cigs? Is the poop pile real? We work on getting you ANSWERS.

AND #bertisfat is finally something you can own - get the new shirt and show the world you are on "TEAM TOM."

 
 

 

Direct download: YMH_352.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

You kind of have to agree, if you're gonna poop you might as well share it. Thankfully, a nice man in New York City thinks the same way.

Wanna hear a cool fart? You should say that and then fart. Just an idea from Tom that he thinks is really going to take off.

Plus, have you ever taken a walk with your family? Just a regular walk? Well this life-changing in the mind of Christina and her communist upbringing.

#BertIsFat goes to a whole new level and Tom and Christina aren't the ones who did it!

Plus, buying crack, dental updates and a whole lot more.

Direct download: YMH_351.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:59pm EDT

If Water drinking had a Super Bowl, this episode would be it. Pick your sides and deal with the results cause after this one, there will only be ONE. The Water Gawd. 

If thrive to be the best is that like striving to be the best? What if you have 4 teeth? Can you still be the best? Now add 400 or so pounds. Yup, the best. 

We love coaches and mentors as much as anyone else, but when said mentor speaks directly and curses non stop, well then we fall in love. 

Daniel Pena is straight forward and doesn't worry about feelings. Gnaw mean? 

Plus, let's get to the bottom of Bart being fat. This episode has BOTH sides of the story. 

Direct download: YMH_350.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:16am EDT

H2O and H2NO if you ask Tommy, the self-proclaimed "water champ." But Tina, she has other ideas up her sleeve, including a very sneaky plan that she reveals in this episode. 

PLUS, pig-calling, mastering accents, more fat Bert fun and then some, Ya feel us? 

To bring it home we have yet another Hall of Fame call from Top Dog and this time he weighs in on Double Pipe Classics. 

You can never have too much denim. 

Direct download: YMH_349.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:03am EDT

If there's one thing about black women that are about to throw down in public, it's LET THEM SPEAK. Something really great and probably funny that you never could have thought of is gonna fly. 

We have a new message to the Fuhrer from Dani and this one involves food and emergency services at Sea!

How fat is Bert? Very. How aware is Bert that he is fat? We happen to think not enough. Look deep inside yourself and try to find a fun, effective way to let Bert know that he is fat and find out WHY he's that fat. 

We have Persian translations, IRISH AKA English translations, Would You Rather's and a WHOLE lot more! 

Direct download: 348_YMH.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

If you puke on TV but then keep doing your TV job, you are what we call a PROFESSIONAL. Shout out to SWEDEN!

Do you like rats? Do you have kids? Are you super lonely? Here's a tip: ditch the rats, keep the kids and someone worthwhile will come in to your life. It's just that rat "thing" that's keeping people away. 

Our Super Jew producer brought us a video about how to spot a Jew. But, like we said, he's a Jew. We don't know what he's up to but it feels really Jewey. 

The Master Of Accents is BACK! Will he finally be defeated by an inimitable cadence? 

Plus FAN MAIL, PATREON, and TINA JEANS is hitting the road again. Get those JEANS ON!!

Direct download: YMH_347.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

PATREON, I told you to put that down!

Also, sign up for Patreon, ya'll! You'll get extra bonus content, inside denim access, personal shout outs and more!

 

WOW! say it again! WOW! Open your mouth so the whole dog can fit in the bathtub!

Today we discover which gender we are (it's really changing at every moment). Plus Bert Is Fat and Why Is Bert So Fat really took off! We have all the fat comments. 

Dental Updates, dating inflatable animals, Joey Diaz being a SAVAGE and more!

NO LOOSE DENIM ALLOW

Direct download: YMH_346_NEW.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

Morning news is the best. It opens the doors to grown up jokes about "Salad Tossing" (with real salads!) PLUS DJ Dad Mouth gets to muck around and have some fun!

If you're gonna talk that ISH before you arm-wrestle, make sure you, you know, WIN. 

Unbelievably, the girl who was defending Hitler on YouTube was kicked off for HATE speech. Weird that YouTube doesn't know that Hitler watches YouTube all day. 

This episode is completely non-binary so please use proper pronouns. It's not a preference, it's a REQUIREMENT. 

Direct download: YMH_345.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:19am EDT

Did Bunz touch the sacred spot with Tina only mere feet away? JEANS.

Which Braxton are you today? Is it the one that's DATING Birdman? WUUUUUT.

Tom's awesome jacket is way cooler than Tina's art teacher jacket. Have you seen it? No, seriously, have you?

The master of accents becomes even more masterful in this one. PLUS, was Hitler THAT bad? 

Would You Rather's, Fan Mail, Seagal, Butt hair and MORE!

Direct download: YMH_344.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:30pm EDT

You see thing about pimpin, man. You want a happy ho. Happy ho's eat, sad ho's don't. If you want to keep your stable out there and earnin then keep your ho's happy. 

This is the only podcast that provides cool insight like that. Also, Top Dog did it again. Yup, you guessed it, his face meat hit the numbers on the phone when we spoke to him. Oh yeah, he sharted too. Great story.

All that and more. Just get your jeans on. 

Direct download: YMH_343.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:05am EDT

Whoa those are some awfully BIG WORDS you said there. This week we have some incredible mentions of the BIGGEST of big words. Someone even said it to the Prez!

Plus a foreign accent that seems DOUBTFUL and a DENTAL UPDATE that will have you brushing extra hard tonight. 

Seems like Mozart was a mommy, 20,000 years ago when he was alive and that's just somethin you gotta Respek. 

Direct download: YMH_342.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:01am EDT

Don't mess with Lincolnton, man! That's what Uncle Joey says. A lot of you say LinkedIn, but you know, La Craw, La Croix, feel me? 

When you listen to our show remember to RESPEK our name. Otherwise we'll be FINISHED and DONE with you. 

The mommy's really do their thang in this one and even talk to Tommy's Mommy about his new, important revelation. He's not only Poly and Bi...listen to find out what ELSE he, er, they is now. 

JEANS FOREVER.

Direct download: YMH_341.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:17am EDT

Tommy and Tina went on a pegging adventure. Please take a look. Also, note that pegging doesn't involve another dude (BERT).

You want to hear/see something gross? You KNOW we've got you covered. There's a young dude who likes grandma's GROSSSSS. 

Plus there's a girl who is in to tasting the uh, splooge, of dudes from different ethnicities. GROSSSSSSER.

Tina tries to trick Tom into playing incriminating clips of verbal "slip ups." Will it backfire on Tina? Probably. 

And a NEW Gnawm Sayin King is proud to take his throne. Smell us?

Direct download: YMH_340.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:46am EDT

We know the show is popular but even Rachel Maddow listens! Wow, and of course, Hey Hitler back at ya!

It's been a while so we gave Top Dog a call and this one not only did not disappoint - it was epic. Like Wipe Down Epic. 

This ep is loaded: Crazie Locs listens to a fan song, a NEW abusive pimp, La Croix responds, NEW vocal fry, and a bunch of Would You Rather's. 

This ep is the Jeans' Jeans. 

Direct download: YMH_339E.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:19am EDT

Hello, F**K Boys! We are ready for you to do battle. On guard!

T Bunz went on local TV in Cleveland and called out Crazie Locs. We thought that would have been the biggest news of this episode, but it isn't because - BRACE YOURSELF -

CRAZIE LOCS finally speaks directly to us. 

Did that last sentence process? If it didn't read it again. 

Also, you know what I'm saying, you feel me, understand? And now SMELL ME? All in one clip from one person and he's the only one speaking. Amazing. 

Direct download: YMH_338.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 10:39pm EDT

We'd like to dedicate this episode to all those days when you're feeling a little down, a little alone, a little like a d-bag that would dedicate an episode to someone. 

We got that Crazie Locs jam you know you want cause this time someone ELSE made it better. 

La Croix is French. Unless you are Tina jeans then you're all, "it's LA CROY." 

Plus we listen to what Tommy thought was Hungarian and ended up just being abusive!

This is the kind of episode that'll have you wondering aloud, Where's The C*m?

Direct download: YMH_337.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:56am EDT

There's something about those jeans of yours. They're so...high and so...tight. They're PERFECT.

We bring the ultimate dad laugh to the table on this one. It rivals Top Dogs famous dad laugh, no seriously, it does. 

Plus we have Locs doin his thang and stuff like that and Tommy doin his thang back and stuff like that. Shout out to everyone all over the world. 

Do you know Bryan Silva? You will now. Maybe you can help FREE him. And then, you know what I'm sayin, we count some new you know what I'm sayins.

We learn about an evil sushi operation in NorCal and SO MUCH MORE.

Direct download: YMH_336.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:08am EDT

Jeans up over your head! This one will have you screaming MOMMY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?!

Tommy put it out there in a MAJOR challenge to Crazie Locs last week. This week we await Locs' response while diving into some of his other uh, interests. Brace yourself - it's terrifying. 

Also, do you eat the booty? Where do you eat it? How often?

Plus we think we have an alternate choice to Donald Trump. This is a guy with a lot to say and the only candidate with a Zombie plan. 

Do you want a pony?

Direct download: YMH_335.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:13am EDT

Bruh! That was a deep fart. Cool that you got your little bro in on it. 

We got videos! If you're listening that's only half the battle. How often and how well do we make fun of those who are "LESS THAN"? Hopefully a lot. And this episode has no shortage. We have a CRAZIE LOC who Tommy challenges to a fight! Will he accept?

Plus we have that intel you've been looking for on KIM AHN. It's so full of adventure and is truly AMAZE. 

Seagal has a new turd, er, trailer, and it's mind-numbing how bad it is. Enjoy!

Direct download: YMH_334_FIXED.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Sup, Whitefolks! It's diss pimpin', feel me? Tommy's Uncle breaks down the pimpin game for us with all kinds of NOT caucasian flavor!

PLUS - a poop soup success story! Should dudes wipe after Yellow?!?!

We have a wipegate breakthrough. Where will you stand after this episode!

Plus we are back with some AMAZE Kim Ahn audio and it's very NSFW - Glorious.

If THAT doesn't turn you on, we also have a man that wants to f**k a rollercoaster.

AND a NEW Would Your Rather that is sure to set a new (low) standard!

 

Direct download: YMH_333.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

You know what I'm sayin? Ya feel me? Gnaw Mean? 

Are these different expressions or the same thing? We DEBATE and there might be a new KING, Do you know what we're saying?

Plus Hitler might be real. As in, the real Fuhrer. Plus Dani goes blue, er, brown on this one and we have a new awesome song to accompany her. 

This is mighty fine cut of denim. Put it on. 

Direct download: YMH_332.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Don't get it twisted, we might look, you know, DIFFERENT, but we are still hood as S**T and we will F**K yo ass up!

Nah, we be playin, jeans. But some people are NOT playing and thankfully they record their messages for us. 

Plus the mystery has been SOLVED. There's no more guessing when it comes to Hey, Hitler or Happy Birthday to, er, Nicholas. We have the indisputable results. They are disturbing, which is our favorite. 

Plus Tommy is ambushed by a SURPRISE psychological review of his artwork. Is he well? 

Never play games with Ghostface Killah or his goons. This audio should prove that to you. 

Direct download: YMH_331.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT