Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them. Dental updates! Dudes! Stories! Wiping!

What is love? When you've been someone long enough that you can say, "That's stupid of you," and then they respond, "Then I'm stupid. Let me be stupid!" That's true love. It's real contempt under a thin layer of decency that says, "I know I have to live with you." 

When people have been together more than 50 years it can be quite colorfully spoken. 

A fun game you can play with your significant other is ask strangers how old they think your partner is and then brace yourself when they (hopefully) guess FAR older. It's a real HOOT.

Plus Tom hung out with an older man in a sauna. Did it get weird? Well, they covered cannibalism, prostitution and drugs. So it gets fun. 

The brown detectives may have solved an age old mystery. Maybe it will prevent future loose stools. We'll see.

Jeans, this is the final episode of 2014. Let's promise each other one thing, next year, even HIGHER!

Direct download: YMH_274.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 9:00pm EDT

It's that time of year again - Baby Jesus has been born and there are great songs and hopefully wonderful gifts unless you're poor (yuck). 

We, as always, give back to the little Mommies. And this time we really deliver. Unwrap the paper and take in some Shane Lee. That's right the internet sensation who "teaches" vocal lessons is now in the DOME!

He does impressions, requests and, well, whatever he feels like saying. It's awesome and it's here. Plus your two mothers have some wonderful clips including NEW (is that possible) talents that Steven Segal has - like God? (Actually, YES). 

And what's a better gift than breakin down some brown with Top Dog. Rejoice!

Direct download: YMH_273.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:41am EDT

A man's desire to call out to a woman is so strong that it can overwhelm his own mental illness. Literally, the pieces that are missing in his brain will come together for a moment if that moment means sexual release. 

Farts. This episode has them. From both mommies. Will you eat what we fart on?

Plus Garth meets Meeeh, meets more melodies. It's creepy, weird and wonderful all at the same time. Guys should cover their nipples, You BETTER wash your nuts and your other stinky parts (especially if you want someone going in there). 

And we talk family - and what is a reasonable amount of time to spend with them - Minutes?

Get your festive jeans on!

Direct download: YMH_272.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 9:30pm EDT

Yooooo! If you spend time overseas be careful! You could get AIDS. From a towel. Especially if a lot of dudes drop their stuff in that towel, ya feel me?

Pat Robertson is a national treasure. While some look to him for spiritual leadership, we find him to have his finger on the pulse of what's funny and this guy is hilarious. 

Plus we have some new songs and we have to admit, they are DADGUM GOOD!

Can we teach you how to sing? Yes. BEATBOX? You betcha! AND we got that Chris Gaines music that you know you wanna hear. 

Would you mind pulling your jeans a little higher?

Direct download: YMH_271.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:03am EDT

Are ya'll ready for some slick stuff? Cool stuff? NEAT stuff? What about RAW stuff? Well, you're gonna get it cause we're breaking down these walls between us and we like that!

Are you done wiping the vomit from the rim of your mouth? Good. Now get ready to puke again when Garth Brooks speaks and is genuine about "having a conversation" with you. 

We get "Country" on this one, but it isn't all bad. We actually like some of your backwoods, incestuous anthems.

Plus Theo must face the fact that he's named after an accused serial rapists TV son. And that ain't gonna fly, Jack! We must give him a NEW name OR can we simply call him by his BIRTH NAME?!?! You mean he has one? Yup. 

This episode is LOADED. Jeans UP!!

 

Direct download: YMH_270.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:43am EDT

Is your baby's mama here? You bet. Would you like to meet him? You should. You know, for the children.

If you're trying to take it all the way down your throat we have expert advice that's gonna set you straight (don't take it so far).

Plus a UK coach can drop that fire the same way Coach Ice does - only it sounds sweeter. 

Some news reports are silly and some make you ask What The F*** Are We Doing Here? And then sometimes someone makes a song about it that's worthy of multiple replays. 

Plus we have the Full Charge droppin sweet science on everything including Puddin Pops and Spanish Fly, Rude and Theo too. Oh, Cosby.

Direct download: YMH_FULL_CHARGE.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:40am EDT

Duncan Trussell is here! You may know Duncan "Truffles" as the guy who has sex with pigs for laughs, but he's more than that!

D-Truss is our friend, a fellow podcaster and comedian, this sweet and enlightened man is here shining his radiance on us in a way only he can do. 

We examine #TEAMLITTLED**K and what it means to breathe thru the bump in your baby head with the Smith siblings. 

Plus Duncan takes us down the path of goodness. He points us and hopefully you towards the light with ideas and philosophies that are from a higher power, but simplified in a way that likens them to your poo covered B-hole. 

Get your denim space suit on, we're leaving the Stratosphere on this one!

Direct download: YMH_DUNCAN.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 5:38pm EDT

Jeans Unit Mount Up! This is it. The mountain top of YMH. We give you some Portland show and Chicargo show (Seattle was AWESOME BTW, just not as good audio quality).

We get into prison talk, break down some drunk talk, sing POP, Braxton songs, Dental Updates, Would You Rather's, Fill Her Ups and soooo much more! 

This is the SUPER SHOW episode of Super Shows. Plus a special guest that's gonna knock your jeans right off!!

Direct download: Live_Portland_Chicago.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:02am EDT

It's On, JEANS! Once a week shows are back and here's the first one. 

We help Christina's old college BF find a lady as he is now Sinnnnnnnglllllleeee again. Would you like to date him? It's an option. 

Tommy is busy writing songs that are so good, he doesn't even name them. He just gives them to the Universe. Will he collaborate with the Braxton's? We're WORKING ON IT!

Go On, Gurl is a pretty good movie, but you'll want pizza with lots of pepperoni on it - Just a Heads up. 

If you're white, just be respectful to cops. Seriously, what's your problem? 

Plus don't use your hands to grab communal food, dumb dumb. 

POP, Hold it down some more. 

Direct download: YHM_266.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Geoff Tate is Late! It's okay. He got here and everything is fine now. Happy HallowJeans, everyone. We hope you're playing it safe and not staying out too late. Also, kids love pennies and bullets so give them away!

Tate is LONG overdue in the MOMMY DOME, but thankfully he's here and you're about to get the full scoop on DENIM ON DENIM + HOT DOGS and GATORADE + also CHEERS. 

Geoff is a fantastic comic, truly one of the best and he's a breeze to hang with. Always funny and low maintenance. This man is our type of guy. You get the Dental Update, the D**k Detectives and more!

Drops galore on this one! Pull those M7Z's up, Jeans!

Direct download: YMH_265.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:23am EDT

Oh farts. Do you have a special fart box for your partner to sit in a face your release valve?

Get One!

These jeans have a question are Smart for shopping somewhere, but then are all sales Final? Lets discuss. 

The Mommies are on Tru TV's How To Be A Grown Up and we let you in behind the curtain. Want in?

Plus Top Dog talks farts, poops AND Killing in a call for the ages!

Direct download: YMH_264.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:39am EDT

Ba Booey Cha Say-O Muh B-hole!! Rejoice, we have THE B-hole of all holes with us, it's Chad Daniels, mommy!

The same way a serial killer knows that he will kill after he locks in and stalks his victim, sometimes for months, we knew that it would be a blast hangin' with the Chad Man!

We listen to a woman transform into a man or is it the other way? Who cares. Someone else out there is having a lot of orgasms and this time it isn't a man! Want some?

Plus there are plenty of big words and tales of slander and redemption. Chad Daniels is your step mom whether you like it or not. Jeans are Forever

Direct download: YMH_263_CHAD.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

If you gonna hate then suck our stuff! Yeah, dawg. 

Tommy looks strong in his gold and purple tank top and Stella Grooves noticed at Crate & Barrell - how will Christina respond?!?

Which Braxton are you today? It's fun way to start the day to break down which of the Braxton sisters you're feeling like. Plus we sing the Braxton Values theme song. Do we sing perfectly? Eventually, yes. 

Calling all cars! Calling all cars! We have denim emergency! Peter Caine is on the phone. You did not misunderstand - PETER CAINE is on the phone. Get ready to clear the air OR stir it up? Listen and find out the real story behind Caine and his madness.

Direct download: YMH_262.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Hope there are still no carnists listening to our show, but if there are, stop now. Otherwise picture Tommy's tongue licking the air and put whatever you want there. Also, listen to songs about it. 

Did you spend time with your father lately? Did he orgasm in front of you? We sure hope so. Tommy's dad, Top Dog, is back with some great advice on, you guessed it, some BROWN TALK.

We have an original song that's gonna blow your jeans off, plus some Asian talk that sounds eerily familiar. Paging Sharkeisha - Honey are you there?!?

If you loosen your jeans for this episode you'll never forgive yourself. 

Direct download: YMH_261.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Get your dad ready to orgasm - it's LIVE from Man Fran Disco (San Francisco)!

Direct download: SF_YMH_OCT.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:46am EDT

This episode is for Vegan's only!! Carnists are not allowed to listen. SORRY! 

Now that it's only us, picture Tommy kissing your thighs. Feel better? GOOOOOOD.

Why do people over 50 refuse to drink water? Water is in us and everywhere around us. Maybe they are just wiser and know that nothing satisfies your bodies cravings for hydration and nutrients like Diet Coke. It tastes good and it's good for you. Especially post-workout. 

Do you remember your father's funeral? How many orgasms did you have staring at his corpse? We found someone that may have been more aroused than you and it's ALL TIME CLASSIC MOM mode already. Get ready to cry from joy and from your relentless orgasms on this one!

Direct download: YMH_259.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

POP! Pimp Squad for life, baby! If you can't see, then that should be your story and you should always say that no matter who asks you what. You know what we're sayin, you feel us, know what we're talking about?

 

Kentucky Jeans and Momlando Jeans were worn this weekend - get the breakdown, Gawd.

Plus Tina explains what that drop about God and blessing is all about. Do you watch comedy? Does it ever upset you. Please blog and share in detail how you feel and your disappointment about it. Even if you laughed, somewhere inside you there is surely something to complain about. 

And we have a song that we can only WISH came from a listener - Maybe it did???

Direct download: YMH_258.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:00am EDT

Ohhhh Jeans! We're Back! Tommy pulled up his sick, barking jeans and coughs and blows his nose throughout the show just to remind you that he sacrifices so much for her. 

Tina is VERY surprised to hear a series of NEW drops in her honor! Can you guess what they are? They are blessed indeed. 

Be sure to relax on this one as the smooth sounds of Crapzo and Manwelle and White Tigress penetrate your soul - choose whichever one best suits your needs. 

Plus we give you the 411 on the Segura Family Cruise. What's that? Were family genitals shared? Mmmm-hmmm.

Plus some WOULD YOU RATHERS and more!

Direct download: YMH_257.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

Well, we were about to do a new episode but then Tommy went off and got sick like a big, ol dumb bear. Now he's on bed rest and we have to delay our return for another day. 

Please enjoy this Classic episode which has the origins of F****n Camp! among other Tourettes Classics!

This is high quality denim we have here. 

Direct download: Classic_YMH_43.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:03am EDT

Oh meowmy, does she miss us? Our vacation is almost over, but we didn't forget about you. Here's one more classic pair of jeans for you and you guessed it, it's amazing. 

Once again, this episode features Top Dog and BROWN and it's epic. We hope you took care of your teeth while we were gone. We're going to check each of your toothbrushes to make sure of it, Theo.

Direct download: Classic_63.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:30am EDT

Oh yeah, Jeans. It's time for more of those Classic Jeans. This is that bespoke denim you can't find in the stores. 

This very special episode captures one of the greatest moments in podcasting history - Top Dog and brown come together in REAL TIME. 

Buckle Up, you ain't ready. 

Direct download: Classic_62.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:30am EDT

Reach into the closet, up onto that top shelf. Further, no further. Yeah, those nice worn in jeans are there. Put them on and pull them up.

While the moms are on vacation we give you an oldie but goodie. Some of the origins of Mommycode are deep within this episode. Listen and enjoy.

Direct download: Classic_46.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:03am EDT

Shots Fired!!!

If you're down in the 954 or the 305 and you see a half naked white dude singing and dancing shakin' that thang - don't worry, that's Rihanna.

The elephant in the room must be addressed - Peter Caine has called the MAIN MOMS out! Lord only knows what will happen next, but Peter Caine is on the watch list. Should he worry about Tina and Tommy? No. The little Mommy's? Probably. Theo? You Bet. You can't just talk s**t like that and not expect bad things to happen. 

As Theo has always said, "Don't start nuttin, won't be nuttin." 

Plus Tommy has returned from City Connection and he can't wait to go back. He's got that international jeans fever!

Direct download: YMH_256.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:48am EDT

Please don't talk, please don't touch my service dog! Don't talk to my dog, the dog is being good. You're getting the dog in trouble, you di@k! Maybe Peter Caine is right???

Tom's in Hong Kong aka "City Connection" right now. He had a real nice hair cut before he left and we talk about it. Christina admits to seeing the same hairdresser since 1998, but he's awesome so don't sweat it. 

Cops are still all fu$%in bald and s$it. We discuss nightmare jobs for us personally. Being nocturnal is horrible.

COPS is our new favorite show. It's fun to watch people who cook meth getting arrested. And you should always look at the positive aspects of your meth cooking spouse. Christina gets punished for using her BIG WORDS in the last episode...

Aunty Fee takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. 

Direct download: YMH_255.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:06am EDT

When Tom picks the opening clips, it's usually porn. But this porn clip is "revolutionary" according to Tom. We deconstruct Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda". Both versions, fart and original. We also explore "the cowboy hip hop" and real "hip hop" dancing.  The cargo pant debate rages on! We look forward to Tom's upcoming Asian dumps. Theo hears his latest song and comes on the show to discuss his royalty agreement. Wendy's has a neat corporate training song. 

Direct download: YMH_254.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:24am EDT

Whenever you see a microphone anywhere that is an opportunity. The possibility now exists that you can grab that mic and you can fart in it. This is how we even the playing field in life. A homeless man and a Greek billionaire suddenly become the same living being - a mic farter. 

King A** Ripper is an international treasure for a reason. He seizes the opportunities that others ignore. He never, EVER passes on the chance to drop heat for the rest of us. Thank you Hairy N Gross Glutton. You inspire us all. International super star Nicki Minaj got the hint (okay it wasn't her) and now has a real hit on her hands!

Plus Theo heard the song that all the Mommy's are talking about and, you guessed it, he wants his cut. Tina tries to reason with him, but there's no taking the hood out of this pooch. 

Tina is a big NERD and wears undies during a massage (MOMSSAGE). Are you the same type of NERD that she is? If you're a flight attendant please keep the jokes inside of your head. You're the WORST!

And finally Half Ounce drops some crazy Ya know what I'm talkin about, ya feel me, ya know what I mean? And Tina thinks he has some BIG WORDS too!

Direct download: YMH_253_E.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:30am EDT

Don't yank your snot in another seaman's towel! It's rude and disgusting and now we got two guys on Night Watch to make sure no one else does it, Master Seargent.

Little Doggy Jeans AKA Feefo AKA Theo Huxtable AKA The Hardest playa on the block ate tin foil. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that he is not a "Very smart person." He is, in fact, a dog. In this, The "Forgotten "Episode" we recap how our dog scared us and made us rush all over the city worried sick about our sick dog. We were so worried that we forgot to upload this ep in our mad rush to catch a flight.

Desperate salesmen are like friends - They're the WORST!!! 

Plus we talk about LEASE-A-CAR Acting Studios, Dental Updates and more. We'll never forget our Jeans behind again! 

Direct download: YMH_252.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:18am EDT

If you do the ALS Ice Bucket challenge make sure you suffer thru it, so says the unofficial spokesman of the ALS Foundation. 

We wear our jeans the highest and we hope you appreciate that. Did you remember that cops are bald and s**t? They're bald, man. They're f****n bald. Do we have a song about that? Yup. 

Plus Tommy ate a Joey Diaz edible again and, you guessed it, panic, fear and unplanned detours took place. When Tina reads their text exchange you might have to rewind it and hear it again. 

Is the Cargo Shorts debate finally resolved?!?! NO. You, the little mommy can't decide and neither can we. Be The JEANS!

Direct download: YMH_251.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:18am EDT

How's your hook set? BOOM! Make it pop. 

Do you know how to pitch a show in Hollywood? We have the insight for you so that you can have a fun, depressing time like we do. There's a big, significant difference between a hard, bloated belly and a soft, hanging gut. We BREAK IT DOWN!

You, the little mommy weighs in on the Cargo shorts/D**k Detective debate and we gotta tell you, the Mommy's are split! That's right, the debate continues!!!

We got more love for Mike Tyson and we revisit King A** Ripper and his library of artwork (fart work). 

Plus Tina's dad (from the 18th Street Gang) talk about how cops are like, F***in bald, man!

 

Direct download: YMH_250.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:36am EDT

When you can't write a song, just sing what you're actually seeing or holding the moment that you open your mouth. That way you can belt out a total piece of trash, just like you were meant to. Turn up the volume! Listen to us talk about stuff and play audio clips! See?

Plus Tommy met Mike Tyson. What? Yup. And it's a pretty crazy story. Turns out the former champ is a big fan of streaming content. 

Do Cargo shorts make that bulge even BIGGER? The mommy's debate and invite you to weigh in with your d**k knowledge. Give us your best shot, little jeans.

And OMG Maria is FIRED UP. Was it service? Yes. Was it Starbucks? No. Is a race/ethnicity mentioned? You bet!

Pull em up!

Direct download: YMH_249.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:44am EDT

It's for the kids, man. The treats are for the kids and YMH is for the kids. If your kids don't already listen to this show, please change that. 

We can't stand watching Americans look for real estate abroad. It's like listening to a child question how the science works - a lot of questions and sometimes the SAME ones. Over and over and over. 

We have a DENTAL UPDATE from the NEWS - Oh my. Floss your denticles, hahahahaha.

More bummer white people movies, bad music, DMX redeems himself and lot more. 

 

We DON'T LIKE SALT WATER BREEZES!!!

Direct download: YMH_248.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:55am EDT

Sharkeisha, What??? We got a new jam for you.

 

Super talented comic/model Nick Youssef has an album out and now we can all rejoice! We've been long time fans of young Youssef and now you will be too. Make sure to get his debut, Stop Not Owning This. 

Peter Caine is back at it - this time it's about your dog's leash and issues!

Plus we introduce Nick to the idea of the C*mdog that will one day live in our backyard. 

We cover The Comedy Store, Nick's youth and a whole LOT more. Nick is a total honorary mommy and will definitely be back weaving denim with us soon. 

Direct download: YMH_247_Youseff.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:00pm EDT

These are the jeans you dream about. The ones we have on are made for sitting, talking, relaxing and of course, celebrating Eat A Booty Day. Thanks to Trick Daddy we can all celebrate together.

Please reach out to him on twitter @305Mayor and ask him to sell us the Eat A Booty Shirts. 

Speaking of clothes, has Tommy joined a gang? His new shorts and shirts will have saying, "Sup Homie! Sun Valley Gang for life homie!" Plus we investigate did a flight attendant have their EYES on Tommy Mommy's junk as he slept?!?! Let's break it down!

The mommies ate some BAD food back to back and meals and their fart makers paid the price. BK plus eggs and pancakes make you feel good.

Tina jeans did some serious fitness and then slept for 16 hours. Will she keep this new lifestyle choice up?

 

REAL TALK, Bummer White people movies and more!

 

Direct download: YMH_246.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:10am EDT

You, the little Mommy, asked. We, The MAIN MOMMY'S, answered and Ms Pat is here! Ms Pat is one of a kind and we LOVE her. While she's lived the kind of life that would make a lot of us bitter, Ms Pat is the opposite. She engaging, full of life and absolutely hilarious. 

We get the inside scoop on what has made Ms Pat so funny and such a saavy hustler. Just listen and you'll be saying "I'm a ol' drug dealer" in no time. 

Epic stories, DMX audio and a Tom OR Black for the ages. Who wins this one?!? Pull your jeans up and listen.

Direct download: Ms_Pat_YMH_245.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:31am EDT

Jeff Richards is a (Muscle) bitch! You'll get it soon enough. We have the former Mad TV and SNL star in the mommy dome. 

This episode has it all: show biz stories, life lessons, spot on impressions and something we are now HUGE fans of - the MUSIC of Jeff Richards. We are hooked like we're wearing a new pair of jeans or something.

Plus Dental News, breaking down 2 Live Crew (Tom's Beatles) lyrics, listener music and more. This is why we wear denim - episodes like this one.

 

Direct download: YMH_244_Jeff_Richards.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:20pm EDT

SUP KANE!!! SUP TOM???? Yup. BDK is down with Buns and we get you the get down. Long story short, Kane is a chill dude and we hope to get him in the Dome soon. Have you heard or seen DMX ride a roller coaster. It's incredible and we share it with you. 

Did you that Tina Jeans and Sydney Castillo can SPIT BARS?!?!? You must take your eyes to the site and watch the REGULAR BODY video. We sense a Grammy over here. 

We go back to get SNOOSHI and our lady has a surprise for us (in her pants). Plus Tina proposes a new HGTV show for Tommy that combines his love of home shopping and masturbating!

We review why you're probably not married, ladies and we have some good info (you should probaby request big dongs more). 

What Ya'll Really Want!?!

Direct download: YMH_243.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:54am EDT

We keeps it real here and we appreciate the realness, gnam sayin? Nothing kept our attention like one of the realest Reality shows ever, Breaking Bonaduce. Gretchen Bonaduce, the ex-wife of Danny B, is in the Mommy Dome and droppin knowledge on us. We talk about the total chaos that was encompassing their lives as this completely unplanned show was filmed and the self-destructive path that Danny was on. It's engaging, outrageous, hilarious and sad all at the same time. 

Get ready for a YMH EXCLUSIVE (Tailored Denim). This episode is an instant classic, plus we have a Steven Seagal nugget of wisdom to keep your eyes rolling.

Direct download: YMH_242_Gretchen.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:13am EDT

Eat the booty, if you want to be in the gang! That's a philosophy the mommies can definitely support! Trick loves the kids, but he's also way into eating the booty. We acknowledge and honor his passion. Are you passionate about it too? Please do tell us. 

When the jeans step into the bedroom, it's full of hungry eyes and hardcore RAP! Tina knows her man likes beats and rhymes, so she's shifting her sensibilites and wooing her man with that BASS!

Are farts foreplay? We think it is even if you don't think it is - It's Only Smells...

There's only one group of people ruining the flowers in Elizabeth Park, do you know what type of gypsy we're referring to? Take a guess. 

You gots to feed a bitch!!!

Direct download: YMH_241.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 4:17am EDT

Oh, Canada, you're such a nice place with really great denim and also you floss!

This is the Live podcast by which all future live shows will be judged. The Canadian Mommies are real and HARD F***IN CORE! Toronto is no joke, you know what we're sayin?

Tommy and Tina drop dreams on you! Who requested a T Bunz piledriver? Which race crawled up in Tina in her sleep-filled mind? We try to understand what people are sayin. Pretty sure that one of them is even too advanced for the most seasoned mom. Give it a shot, ketchup/mustard!

Can Britney Spears sing? We have evidence that suggests your opinion on her vocals has always been on point. Plus Aunty FeeFee drops knowledge thru music and Top Dog raises even his own brown bar! Remember, "It's Only Smells." 

Direct download: LIVE_FROM_TORONTO.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:34pm EDT

Oh Jeans can you see, that America is the best and loudest place in the world! Can you tell when an A1 US of A person is around? Let's break it down!

If someone told you to Go F yourself, could you? Black Salami has something show the people who doubt that he can. WARNING, it's NSFHE - Not Safe For Human Eyes. 

How does God do a new thang if he's still doin the same thang?!?!?!

Momstralia/Australia speaks English...sort of. Can you understand this bloke?

We have Dental Updates all around plus more from our favorite Dog Trainer, Peter Caine. Things are getting weirder. Big Shouts to Ontario, Canada for all the love this past week. That's some real nice denim you guys have up there. This episode will make you wish your peepee was stuck in Budder.

Direct download: YMH_239.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:36am EDT

It's your mom's house!

Direct download: YMH_238.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:59am EDT

Hey YO!!!! What it do, Junior Boo Boo? It's so fun to make fun of family and we encourage you to PUSH THOSE LIMITS! If the elevator posts a weight limit, suggest to your mother/wife/son that they will break it - then point and laugh!

We Bro'd down hard in the Bro to celebrate the greatest birthday ever for Country Numero UNO. Hope you got down too or at least thanked us for being the best. 

Jeans In My C**T is STUCK in our heads and we hope it's in yours too. Care to hear it again? Good. 

Tina and Tommy are seriously in the TV BIZ now. Will a network pick up Tom Farts in a Jar or Dog D**K Afternoon? We sure hope so (they're really good ideas). 

One of our listeners actually worked for the mastermind behind Friday (not the movie) and Chinese Food (Is that also a movie?) and lets us in behind the curtain of his mediocrity. 

Direct download: YMH_237.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:03am EDT

It's time to celebrate. America, either the land you're lucky enough to live in or lucky enough to wish you lived in is putting another candle in her cake. Show respect. Wear tighter, more form-fitting jeans.

You know how Theo does it - 24/7 and to honor our son and one of the hardest MF's out there, our boy now has his own gear. It's official. We're still working on the percentage split with him, but it's out there. 

We promise not to feed him vegan food. We really think Peter Caine would light us up if we did. 

We read your emails, play a NEW GOOD song - not a horrific song, and basically have a jolly, good time doing this episode. We love you, Lady America. Here's to you!

Direct download: YMH_236.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 5:35am EDT

You guys are like salmon. You say you're more smarter, but ya'll are the stupidest mutherf***ers we have ever seen! Just kidding - we Love you! 

The Mommy Dome is happy to welcome Christina's fellow castmate from Funniest Wins, Mr. Sydney Castillo! Sydney can come back whenever he wants as he is a total JEANS MACHINE (AKA a Natural Fit). 

We break down the difference between Ft. Worth and Dallas, defend abusive coaches, Biggie vs Beatles, Dental Updates, OG WYR, plus the most epic TOM or BLACK ever!

You are not prepared for the good times wrapped up in the episode! Stay Social!

Direct download: YMH_235.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:01am EDT

Take care of your rectum and its "situations" or get a Woolery-approved lubricant to stop the pools of blood. 

We can't stop the madness and the madness is in the form of music. MAKE IT STOP! Or don't? 

How come an itchy butt will just pop up out of nowhere? We break it down!

We're thinking of getting a (legal) slave - PLUS Dental Updates, a NEW Corporate song and more!

Direct download: YMH_234.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:20am EDT

There are kids here so please SIT YOUR WHORE ASS DOWN! That's a pretty aggressive way to address a fellow passenger, but we all have our days. Chuck Woolery blames Canada and wants to take them down! Will you side with him?

Our bed is old and we are ready for a new one - where do you sleep, outside? On nails? Share your experience. 

Tina's fart game has been raised and the Mommies make a promise to stop droppin bombs - can they keep it?

REAL TALK - The Gypsies are back and White Trashier than ever. S**T just got way worser, ya'll. Will we ever eradicate them?

This episode is like a bag of chips going into a bowl. 

Direct download: YMH_233.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:53am EDT

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme said the less than fully toothed lady. That's no way to get the joint passed over, boo. You gotta mind your manners!

White trash is a special breed of human and we like to think of them as the worst (and most entertaining) representation of our race. From West Virginian gypsies to your standard meth head, there's no shortage of awful when it comes to the White man. 

Biggie vs Beatles is no where near over. We read your emails as you side with one or the other - and you don't hold back! 

Plus dozens of awful songs have been pouring in. We bless your earholes with the sweet sounds of no talent. 

Top Dog is on the horn and he now wants to be an author. Won't you buy his book?

Direct download: YMH_232.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 4:04pm EDT

What hurts on you? Your what, your what, your what? That's nice, lady! As the Great Italian pornographer, Rocco says, "You must have both the passion and the chemistry and the focus and not know when the end is here for it to go with what is there." Understand?

Peter Caine is our new hero. Don't you dare threaten him and don't EVER leave your dog with a friend. Friends are the worst.

Bad songs are evidently existence in abundance. Thank you for filling our inbox with them. Is the Biggie/Beatles debate over? Nope! Who do you side with, Tina's super white/super lame explanation or Tom's hard and black and super real argument? 

Gross sexual kinks are fascinating. Do you have one? Please share. And, you know what I'm sayin, we want that GENUINE "Gnam sayin" Know what we're saying?

Bossa Nova forever!

Direct download: YMH_231.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:24am EDT

Body Talk, yo. What's your body say about you? Do you have towels? Partners? A LOT of time? Get your fitness on, God. 

Tina's not playin. She's doing Quadruplethons and she's sponsored by Chili and other premium fitness brands. 

We love working out in prison and prison movies too! Chopper and Bronson are doing it real big and with cool accents. 

More bad songs, DENTAL UPDATE, WYR and More!

Direct download: YMH_230.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:24am EDT

The battle continues! What's the worst song we've ever heard? YOU GET TO DECIDE. Could it be about Ames, Iowa? Maybe. West Saint Paul? Possibly. Chinese Food? Hey, what's happening here? Luckily for you, it's all terrible. 

Horses are NOT WELCOME in the Mommy Dome. Get your glue machine out of our faces. Smelly, demon dwellers. 

Vietnamese seems like a difficult language. Now try it with a gun to your head. We make it easy!!!

Plus we have to navigate how to say a very, um, difficult name to pronounce. 

Direct download: YMH_229.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:45am EDT

When you bark like a dog, you should BARK LIKE A REAL ENRAGED DOG. Thankfully, we have the man to show you how it's done. Ain't no woof woof over here, kid.

Your Jeans have spoken and confirmed what HALF of US already knew - Tommy is pretty close to being the MAIN MOMMY via the Biggie vs Bowie vs Beatles debate. 

But then again Tina hasn't stopped making brown for the last few days, so does the MAIN MOMMY CROWN belong on her???

We have more awful songs and examine a Tyler Perry, uh, movie - is that what they're called? It also has a song that could run alongside Summertime and Social. It's BAD meaning BAD. 

 

Direct download: YMH_228.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:23am EDT

DON'T RECORD ME, SON! Stay up, Staten Island. And yo, I heard your girl been giving that stuff out to all dem guys, yo!

Who would you rather have playing at your birthday party a leather boy or a B Boy? You're picking sides here, dawg. Tina is eating a lot of veggies and her toots are sending a clear message. Will she respond appropriately??? 

If you report the news, report it! Say the thing that the guy said. We're adults. We can handle it, jeans. 

There are songs galore here and an ALL NEW FILL HER UP that will have you seriously deliberating who to seal shut! Aren't you glad that SUMMERTIME IS HERE. It's the best, right?

 

Direct download: YMH_227.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:19am EDT

Jason Nash Is Married. This is not only a factual statement, but also the name of a new movie written by, directed by and starring our very special guest, Jason Nash. Tina Jeans became good buds with Nash over the last month as they both filmed the top secret show that you now know about. We love Jason for a lot of reasons, but his honesty about marraige and parenthood might top it all. If his movie is anything like this conversation we cannot wait to see it! 

Plus don't look at, approach, pet, whistle towards or think of another persons dog and a HUGE Dental Update from Tina's bestie, amazing audio and more! 

Direct download: YMH_226.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:36am EDT

Somewhere on some street that goes by the name Marquette, the dumbest person alive is walking around recording himself on his phone so that we may document stupidity in all its glory. 

This episode is packed, but here's what you need to know: Top Dog AND OMG Maria BOTH have calls. Enjoy!

Direct download: YMH_225.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:10am EDT

Sometimes when someone screams to F**K someone Right in their P***y they are not who they seem! REJOICE, Tina is back in the Mommy Dome and her jeans are tighter than ever. Will she reveal secrets of her shoot? I don't know. Maybe. 

When a LADY gets a massage do Pro men go for the gold and give her that happy ending? Let's discuss. Chuck Woolery is doing A LOT of commercials. A LOT. And they're all for old people that are falling apart. What do they each pay? 11 dollars.

Tommy and Tina discuss how many more marriages they'll go thru. More than 3? That seems like too many. Maybe we should just sign a good ol' C*m dog up to hang out around the house. Sean Connery approves! 

If you never saw the House of Cosby's do yourself a favor and watch them, Rudy. They are AMAZING, Theo. Eat the pudding slice!

Direct download: YMH_224.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:29am EDT

YOOOOOOOOOOOshi! Oh my goodness. He's back - the most downloaded man in YMH history was the step mom in Seattle when Tina couldn't make it. Sadly, the audio isn't great. BLUEBAN'S fault. But it's still worth a listen - why? Well, it's Yoshi. There's no description that does it justice. He covers all his hits: AIDS, assault, murder, kidnapping, racism and more! You ain't ready.

Direct download: YMH_Seattle_YOSHI.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:16am EDT

Let's keep getting social! What if SWV covered that song? Or what if all their songs were about Jeans? It's all possible with your MOMS. If you have your stomach stapled or some of it is just taken away be careful when you pass wind because everything might just fall out of you. Tina gives you her secret formula to hotel coffee that is POWERFUL. It's White Lightning that leads to Brown Thunder.

The four major food groups are steak, shrimp, chicken and ribs. We help you understand how much of each is important for your diet. Magic Johnson has those AIDS in case you didn't know. Also, Al Sharpton versus words is fantastic. Wear those jeans, gurl. 

Direct download: YMH_222.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:14am EDT

Live from Denver with Chuck Roy!

Direct download: YMH_DENVER_LIVE.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:02am EDT

Derivatives are, you know what I'm sayin, like important when you, know what I'm sayin, doin calculus. Word. Dudes should not masturbate on the bus with other people around when those people have camera phones cause you get recorded and then you get arrested (plus it's rude). The exception would be if you had a nice cheese with you and then you can get romantic. You know what's better than a girl fight? Shovel fight! Yeahhhhh! Plus Bad Acting and more. Bang! Bang!

Direct download: YMH_220.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:10am EDT

Oh the mommies are worldwide, yo! Even though Tina Jeans couldn't make it to Canada (Manada) Tommy Bunz still went up there and did what a single mom has to do. He found a man to help him out. The great Toby Hargrave sat in as a step mom and he was amazing! Toby and Tommy break down a crazy park landscaper, religious upbringings, parenting, heckling, Fill Her Ups, Would You Rathers and so much more. This ep really is the Moose's (Because Canada) T**s!

Direct download: YMH_219.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:56am EDT

Come on, guys! Say it with me! Working for my company is fun!!! Lets sell market stuff and sell it and also ship it, yeahhhh! Jobs should be exciting and so should telling the world about it. Lets get social - Social. We feel for you if your coporation or boss is one of these wind bags who tries to dress up work like it's fun. Or worse, when they think you're stupid enough to buy into making profit for THEM as something YOU love to do. Some of this coporate talk made our jeans hang very loose. Just remember that your job doesn't define you, little mommy. Pastor Manning is back with way more CRAZINESS. Just a heads up - he's not a fan of our Prez. Praise the Lord, Ya'll!

Direct download: YMH_218_E.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:38am EDT

Stimulate our minds, Jeans! The Ice House is always bumpin when 2 Mommies wearing denim decide to sit down for some greezy time. A great crowd filled the room while many more watched it streaming online. This live show has amazing audio, mommy confessions, intimate talk, Fill Her Up and so much more! We just opened a new denim processing factory because of this episode! 

Direct download: YMH_217.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:46am EDT

Well a very heavy bertation tonight. We had a very derison bite. Lets go ahead terrison to the bit in the hit a bit. Make sense? Good. Ladies, watch out, it could happen to you (fingers crossed!). Theo has been going on SOLO adventures. We finally catch up to what he's been doing - he was not very forthcoming, for the record. Plus a touching Easter story from Tina and she REkindles the flame that is her passion for UB40. Can Tom decode what some black guy is saying? Did The Ultimate Warrior know where the Dudes were at?? We may be able to confirm that. Keep It Greezy!

Direct download: YMH_216_E.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:46am EDT

Wait, White what? Ohhhhh. This gets pretty advanced pretty quickly. Some people can't sing, some people aren't retarded. But some people are an interesting mix up of both. We break it down for you. You might be surprised when we listen to the greatest song of our generation and strip it down to it's suspiciously "special" voice. Are all children actually retard(ed) sounding? A "Bad Girl" asks if you know what she's saying, but she has a special twist! Plus a hockey player throws hit hat in the ring as he drops a mountain of "You Know's" in an interview. Wear HEADPHONES for this one!

Direct download: YMH_215.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:21am EDT

Get out of that Country A** nonsense, pull up your denim and get ready for the get down. We got a hot new anthem for REAL MOMMIES ONLY. Plus, Tommy ran into Joey "Try Eating This and Living" Diaz on a flight and, yeah, meltdown came soon after. Real husbands say, "Show me how those big T**s fart" to their wives and maybe now, you will too? Pastor Manning is completely insane and we have the audio to prove it. REAL TALK is back and we are ready to ROAST the Duggars wildly selfish lifestyle. This episode is offensive. 

Direct download: YMH_214.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:48am EDT

You know you're in good company when the WHITE HOUSE is listening to your show. We have pretty compelling evidence that suggests that President Obama listens to the show and keeps up with the YMH lingo. Maybe he'll be on the show soon? Hope so. If you and your boys are planning on getting together for a fun night of bro'ing down you should get a Naughty Boy and take that party to the next level! It's been a minute, but TOP DOG is back and he's got one of his "great ideas." Plus, you guessed it, he has a dump story. As if that didn't make you shart your shorts, there's MORE! OMG Maria is on this ep! She tells the uh, "story" of her latest car accident and names a new leader when it comes to foreigners who's language skills/attitudes upset her. You're not ready! 

Direct download: YMH_213.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:14am EDT

WHAT WRONG WITH YOU? said the most awesome pastor ever. I'll let him finish his sentence. Have you seen that show, Masturbate Theater? It's pretty good and we have a clip. Mr. Selfridge has a very interesting French character who encourages a nice young English lady to meet his anus. What's up with Pro Wrestling, for real? When do you stop liking it? Do you wear Superman pajamas? Good. This ep has a BIG TIME Dental Update from TINA and a poop story for the ages from one of YOU!! LADIES, trim your tootsie nails - they're not supposed to hang over the edge. We discuss in a new NAILS segment. And, you guessed it, there's more sayin of You Know What I'm Sayin - You know what we're sayin? 

Direct download: YMH_212.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:03am EDT

No need for a big description here - it's LIVE from San Francisco (Man Frandisco). Put on your old denim panties and enjoy this one (it's full of treats)! J-J-J-JEANS UNIT

Direct download: YMH_211_SF_LIVE.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:53am EDT

Ain't nothin in life free. P***y would be at the top of that list, especially for an ex-pat roided out Aussie pimp handling his Thai ho's. Make sense? Dude has some good points and a LOT of job stoppers (you'll soon understand). A man violated the safety and sanctity of our neighborhood in front of Tina and inTO a Yoplait (possible future sponsor?). We go to the Forensic Files to see if we can solve the case! Do families that masturbate together just, basically, get along the best? We just don't know. Tina left behind a life in the KGB to come to the US of A and today is the anniversary. Will she be allowed to stay? Obama decides! Wiping with a MAN'S wipe is new for Lady Jeans. We can't wait for her review. Most IMPORTANTLY we break down the new and accepted criteria for crowning the You Know What I'm Sayin Champion and it's a real GAME CHANGER. It's spring time, get that seasonal denim out! 

Direct download: YMH_210.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:43am EDT

It never gets old. No matter how much time passes by, joy is always spread when someone drops a Deez Nuts joke. And if you get it on TV? Well, we collectively thank you, sir. New music from you, the little jeans, is welcomed and celebrated! It's time to post a challenge! Does a pimp or a rapper say You Know What Im Sayin more? Get out your pen and paper cause you've got some countin' to do! (You know what I'm sayin?) But everything takes a back seat to the Queen of this episode. Internet sensation, vocal inspiration and servant of our Lord, Aunty FeeFee joins us! She is as sweet, engaging and fun as you knew she would be. Does she bless our show with a special tune? Put your earbuds in and let us pleasure you ears. WE WEAR DENIM ONLY AROUND HERE!

Direct download: YMH_209.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:02am EDT

FART. That's one of many different noises you will hear on this episode. We really cover all the bases, YKWIS? Yes, there's a new champ in the You Know What I'm Sayin circle and it is GLORIOUS! Tina and Tommy both have Brown issues - You've been warned. Is or isn't the man we both see homeless? The Jeans are DIVIDED. Plus Jerry Lewis is still obnoxious and we have a first hand account from comedian and writer Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal). It's ridiculous and hilarious. Pull your pants up. BIKES!!!!

Direct download: YMH_208.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:15am EDT

Where Brooklyn at? In your ear drums. Rest In Peace, ODB. We pay respect to the GODS on this one. There's nothing quite like a LIVE Mom in front of other Mom's, knawmean? This is all the goodness of YMH wrapped into one Live Denim sandwich - we got crazy audio, WYR, Top Dog and more! Peace to Big Daddy Kane.

Direct download: YMH_207.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:16am EDT

Ari Shaffir AKA Airey Schaeffer is in the building. Sure he put some loose change we had lying around in his pocket, but we still enjoyed his company. Did you ever hear the joke that if we want to win a war we should just send gangbangers to fight them because they love shooting people anyway? Yeah, that's happening. Some OG Sorenos from the 818 are droppin dimes on fools in Syria and the audio is amazing. We have a MAJOR Dental Update - Tina had something SERIOUS done, jeans. Hear the wrath of Ari towards TSA and celebrate Tommy's new special and album. You know what we're sayin? Plus Ari's brown talk will have you cringing, possibly crying and certainly mailing him fiber bars. 

Direct download: YMH_206.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 2:30am EDT

Are you thirsty? I bet after you hear this one you'll want nothing more than a big gulp from a nice German man's tough nips. We love you so much that we took what was to be the next BONUS episode and we gave it to you, the little Mommy. This show was the Dog's T**S and there are sex secrets revealed. What more could you want? Pull those jeans up. A little higher, please? 

Direct download: YMH_205.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:03am EDT

Who is the Main Mommy to you? For many, it's our disabled son, Redban. Luckily for you, he's in the Mommy Dome again and he's grosser than ever. It's always nice to have your kid come home from college and for this hour we wonder if he's ever going to class anymore. We cover life, teeth, Sharkeisha, paranoia and a whole lot more. Does Redban have a secret brother??? Maybe. Does a girl who sells you her dirty panties excite Brian? We think so. Does he tells us the grossest thing ever and nearly causes the show to stop? Yes. Classic Mom on this one. 

Direct download: YMH_204.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:17am EDT

You ain't even wash it???? You NASTY!!! Do ya thang, gurl! If I beat yo a** in a fight, then I do what I want when I win, ya dig? Do you know your weight class? Figure it out, farty weight! 

Tommy had to go potty bad and it almost came out in the car! Tina laughed and that's not nice. Do you think that Robin Wright makes possible suitors sniff her snuff spot? Tommy thinks so. House of Cards (Farts) is the Dogs T**s! Talk smack when you get in a fight, but don't lose focus or your breath. 

YMH introduces the world to A LOT of things, Knaw Mean? And HONESTLY, we've done it again. Mommy emails are read that deal with playing with the fart pitch and more! Pull those Jeans a little higher, won't you?

Direct download: YMH_203.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:16am EDT

Yes and no. We both do and do not know what you're saying in this, the ultimate You Know What I'm Sayin sound off. We provide insight into every race and culture's attempt to say what they're saying. Do you know what each of them mean? Perhaps Tom should add to his "Black vault" of voices as he nails the homeless, nude gay man getting penetrated in the streets. Don't disrespect judges, know what we're all sayin? Lots of music in this one plus some choice Would You Rather's. Give your mother a hug! J-J-J-Jeans Unit!

Direct download: YMH_202.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:00am EDT

When you find something you love to do in life, don't settle for anything but being the best. Even if that thing is taking it in every hole all day until your insides fall out of you. That's what Ava Devine has done and we have the audio to prove it. Plus Theo gets on the mic after a little hiatus and he is pretty fired up. Everyone has fun when they fart. Everyone plays with their butt cheeks to throw the pitch of their farts. Well, everyone EXCEPT Tina. Tina claims she does NOT do this and the mommies get to the bottom of the truth. REAL TALK is back with something beyond comprehension - eating ones own mattress. Oh boy, you better buckle your belt (that you wear to support your jeans). 

 

Direct download: YMH_201.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:10am EDT

Holla if you down, but you wear your jeans up! 200, ya'll. We kickin it strong and we owe it to you, the little Mommy. We celebrate with great new audio of someone we think might be related to Tom - after all it's man in Cincy and he tells your "right" where to put it. So many mommy tunes, so little time. We honor your musical talents by playing some of the songs that got away and they are AMAZING, you know what I'm sayin? Oh my, oh my, is there a new contestant throwing his hat into the ring of most impressive mentions of Know What I'm Sayin. Well, do you? Mommy shout outs and more! PLEASURE!

Direct download: YMH_200.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:10am EDT