Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura are comedians who are also married. They are the Mommies and they welcome you to join them. Dental updates! Dudes! Stories! Wiping!

Powerful.

Today we wear our strength jeans as the leader in podcasting/comedy/fitness and fighting, our Godfather, Joe Rogan finally joins the Moms.

We hit it all: The philosophy behind giving, farting, teeth, Tom or Black and what it takes to become A REAL MAN.

Joe weighs in on it all, from Biggie vs Beatles to the OG Would You Rather. This is an episode you're going to love and wear around as you collect denim for the long winter. 

 

Direct download: Rogan_YMH.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:16am EST

Sweet, loving, kissy-faced jeans. That's what those Valentimes are all about. We brought our love to the Ice House for a live episode with a fiery, sexy crowd. This was honestly one of the best times we've ever had live. It's like all our collective jeans are getting tighter. 

We give you the goods here, Chocolate anuses, brows on fleek, all kinds of words that the kids are saying now. Plus we have a sing-along and an orignal song debuts! We got dad jokes and sex sounds and a whole lot more. 

We love you, Jeans. We really do. 

Direct download: VALENTIME_YMH.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 4:12am EST

We are the Mommies 24 - 7, baby. Whatever you done heard, you can forget that. We are who we are and that's that! When Carla goes to Wendy(sic) or Burger King she doesn't get the respect she is owed (MacDonald's(sic) doesn't do her like that). Who is the real leader of sayin "you know what I'm sayin?" Do you know what we're asking here? If you have a whole weight, keep going. Make yourself very, very fat and then make videos and money. Your dreams can be your reality! Plus you know we got that JJ Fish joint you been dying to hear. Get those jeans on and PULL THEM UP. "No, you have a good muthaf***in' night." - Carla

Direct download: YMH_199_rd2.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

No more juice for the Main Mommy. Tommy drank something gnarly which made fluids come out of all of his holes - which delayed today's ep. Buns is farting and puking and sweating, but he's still here for you. What if you have no teeth, but you love certain sex acts? You shouldn't hide in shame, you should make songs about it. Leon Lewis knows what we're talkin' bout! Oasis was one of the biggest bands in the world at one point and then it all fell apart. Now, former guitarist Noel Gallagher hates all of the videos they made and so much more about himself and the audio about it is priceless. Plus your Would You Rather's and more!

Direct download: YMH_198.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Andy Erikson AKA Ernie AKA "Can I get a ride?" is in the building (the Mommy Dome). A former police officer, Andy is no nonsense when it comes to enforcing rules and eating snacks. If you don't know why you suck stuff are you supposed to? Maybe you're a suck puppet. That's it. That's your role in life. Why do black people say hair-on instead of heroin? We go DEEP this episode. Both ladies have had multiple men pull pud in front of them and they happily ELABORATE. Is Which Is Mike Singletary back????? Pull your jeans up and find out! What gift will Andy bring Tom in Tacoma? Check back in a month to find out. 

Direct download: YMH_197.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

I've been wanting to see what's in those Jeans for a long time! Oh, get your dirty mind out of my jeans. Cab drivers are hot and we all want a piece of them. Our favorite part about riding around with cabbies is their smell but also their cleanliness and also listening to their nice music and also when they ignore our requests. Yeah, that's about it. Shakey Jeans is gone, but who will replace him? Hopefully someone with a more debilitating condition. Is the NFL ready for a gay player? What if an entire team were gay and amazingly talented? We pray for this. Tom and Tina talk about their new business idea - which involves juice and dudes. We got Brown Talk, a NEW release from the King (A** Ripper), a wanna-be tough guy and MORE! 

Direct download: YMH_196.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

If you're Irish or Scottish and angry we love you and can't understand a word. Please explain how we share the same language. We revisit the sexy as hell, you know what I'm sayin guy or girl or transitioning girl to guy or something else. All we're sure of is that it breathes like Biggie Smalls. The homeless gay man who has sex with a ghost is also fully explored and we rarely say this, but his love for the love he receives is inspiring. Tina and Tommy can't agree on Tinder. Is it Grinder for straight people or is it for real love?

Direct download: YMH_195.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Pull your jeans up, this is a good one! Kettle bell enthusiast, horseback riding instructor, competitive dancer and comedian/actor Bryan Callen steps into the Mommy Dome. He is well read and easy on the eyes. Sure he has a narrow waist line, but also his eyes are intoxicating. We cover way too much to write about in this endless space. Sociopaths, meditation, addiction, teeth and so much more. Stand up is the best thing is one of the main things we took away from this and that makes us happy. This ep has great WYR, Tom or Black and conversation that is so fun you'll be weaving new denim for yourself by the days end. JEANS UNIT!

Direct download: YMH_194.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

King A** Ripper has met his match! We ambush Tommy's cousin Jeanette into sitting down in our studio and lettin' em rip and boy does she ever. No, she's not the fart queen, but she is the Prime Minister of Belching. After some poking and pleading she finally and frequently shares her gift with the world. This episode is an instant classic. It has family, filth, WYR, Tom or Black, D**K Detectives, and more. We try to horrify Cousin Jeanette and I think we did. Mission accomplished. 

Direct download: YMH_193.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

It's not bad to consider that if you're not good at something then you should quit! And if you don't quit then hopefully Eric Kelly will appear at the thing you're not good at and make fun of you. On camera. Shout out to all the little mommies that are down for the git down! We give you a proper salute. The live show was the Jimmy Jam and you the man, man. Sometimes when people who love each other eat together, they also end up blowing burp wind on each other (or just one way). The C-word is a fun word. Stop being so sensitive, you stupid C-word. We wear are JEANS so high for YOU!!!

Direct download: YMH_192.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

This episode is very CHILDISH in the way that we make fun of other living people. We hope you are okay with that. Former NBA player and current mentally retarded person, Dennis Rodman is, well, definitely not the best at speaking outloud. He's in North Korea and he is apparently mumbling his way back. Why are there no more PSA's? Did we solve everything for kids and now they no longer need warnings? Lets bring them back and make them lamer than ever. Fire, kid touchers and drugs are still around so how about we be adults again and start making bad commericals about them for the children, yo. We learned that Kim Jong-Un is a huge fan of the show, but we are not so sure about going over there to do a live show. Something about that guy (City Connection). The mommies are eating healthy and the brown is falling out of us! You will enjoy this show or you will spend the next 15 years in our fart labor camp. 

Direct download: YMH_186_Fixed.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Great news! Dennis Rodman isn't retarded. That is, of course, according to Dennis Rodman. He's just really, really drunk and he wishes he had been alive many years ago, to befriend Hitler, the often-lambasted and widely "misunderstood" former German leader. But we've got to be honest. We're not really buying the drunk thing. Drunks, well, sound different - like Orson Welles! MUAAAAHAAAHHHHHHH, the French Champagne, blllllahhhhhhh! Stevie Wonder is a world treasure. He should maybe cut his braids. All dudes who play ball should cut their dreads. ALL. Some of our favorite artists MUST be horrible people, but not you, Stevie. We play some old Top Dog and Charo clips just because we love you. 

Direct download: YMH_187.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

HONESTLY, we feel like you're going to leave this episode like, "Whoa, I'm proud of myself." Thanks to you, the dedicated little mommy that could, we have managed to land an all-time favorite and MY OH MY did we have fun. Adult superstar, Juelz Ventura is as laid back and fun as she is sexy and full of drool (we'll let her explain). We get to ask everything we've ever wanted to ask to someone who does the dirty on camera and we get answers that you won't be able to wrap your loose vagina around. Juelz is game for anything and shares the inside scoop that we've been yearning for. Oh yeah, when we finally get to the clip that you all love, well, it's magic. This episode has heart, laughs, boobs and honestly, what else could you want? 

Direct download: YMH_188.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Seems like it's pretty much settled - TOMMY IS THE MAIN MOMMY. Episode 19 is revisited and the evidence is CLEAR. Christina is filing appeals, but we doubt there's a judge in the land that will grant her another hearing. We debate this at length and allow you to decide. You went CRAZY over the appearance of Juelz Ventura on episode 188 and we celebrate the triumph. Yes, we're proud of ourselves. What's scarier than a man dressed as a female DOLL? We vote nothing. It is absolutely terrifying. A new show is coming out about it and we are mortified and eager to watch it. Homeless people singing the hits is something that we hope takes off! They really can't sing, but we want it to never end. DENIM NEVER ENDS.

Direct download: YMH_189.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Every animal can get diarrhea, but why did that animal get that loose brown? Let's talk about it. Top Dog and Charo get a surprise phone call about Tom's sex education class memory. Was there a VERY out-of-line teacher? Hmmmmm. Did Top Dog make big BROWN on his latest cruise? We finished Breaking Bad Farts and we tip our collective hat to all the participants. It's a masterpiece and we miss it already. Pop music is for the stupid by the slightly less stupid. This isn't an attempt to be controversial. We actually have proof. If English is your first language and you make Dennis Rodman sound like Prince William what would be your next move? These JEAN were made for talking (to your mom). 

Direct download: YMH_190.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

If you're gay I challenge you to up your game. Listen to the gayest man that has ever lived and see if you can top him, if even, for a moment. When ladies OR guys can't control the joy they feel when they taste man yogurt in their mouth are you buying it? We kind of disagree on this point. I mean clearly people LOVE it. The drunkest man ever is revisited and it's undeniable - he's a huge fan of our show. You know what I'm sayin, you gotta gun yoself, you know I'm sayin? Yes, sir, we do. Do we have an impromptu WOULD YOU RATHER that is so awful you might not answer? Yup. Nancy Grace is a lying turd, but maybe pot does make you kill??? David Lee Roth and Flocka rock out for you. 

Direct download: YMH_191.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Jeezy is short for Jizzles - that's a little known fact we made up. As the new year gets rolling we want you to stay POSITIVE. We encourage you to reaffirm positive thoughts about yourself with yourself. You're smart! You're good! You listen to the best podcast! You wear your jeans super high! You idn't greezy! We get to the bottom of the Dog's T**S expression and it really is something else, mate! THEO joins us on the show to share his last few days and also to talk about his favorite vice (not healthy). Who better to get your year rolling than the one and only TOP DOG. He guides you on your brown pathway and gives insight on more than just wiping (sorry Puerto Ricans). This ep is the jeans machine. Sharkeisha, YES!

Direct download: YMH_185.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:00pm EST

Hey there dirty jeans! Wipe your face cause it's covered in vaginal juices and secretions. 

If you have OCD we hope you get better, but in the mean time we'll laugh at you. 

Tina has brows on Fleek! Peep them all at Damone Roberts. Plus Tommy is breaking down. Can you make that dude rest?

You thought XXplosive was a crazy track? Check out this Too Short classic. We got Brown Talk, Vocal Fry, White Big Words, Plies Talk and more!

Wash your filthy jeans, will you!?!

Direct download: YMH_280.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 4:31pm EST

You figure it out. 

Direct download: YMH_279.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:03am EST